Forty is the New Black

When I was a teenager, I remember calculating how old I would be in the year 2000.
TWENTY SEVEN.
That sounded so ... adult. So ... mature.
And so very far away.

When I think about how to process age, as a woman, I think about the evolution of my style and of fashion. The way you present yourself to the world matters even more at 40 than at 20, because you are at a different point in your career inside or outside the home, and you've figured out - or hopefully you have - "who you are". You have an identity, rather than trying different ones on.

And so to some extent, our style on the outside reflects the state of our psyche on the inside. How often have you seen a woman at a store, and looking out of the corner of your eye, thought to yourself "Doesn't she know how ridiculous she looks? She's way too old to wear that."  On the flip side, I look at someone like Helen Mirren, who at 63 rocks a low-cut one-piece bathing suit and looks incredible and elegant in a full length evening gown with sleeves, without ever looking "old" or "dowdy". Sure, 63 is a far cry from 40 - but that's the point.

Our style evolves and changes, and it is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. Wanna bet whether Paris Hilton - who's now over 30 - will be wearing essentially the same clothes at 40 that she wears today - which are the same things she wore at 27?

At 27, I was living in California, away from home from the first time, and it felt amazing. I felt - to fall back on a cliche - like I'd found myself. Found my true North. I was happy, and excelling at work, and living mere blocks from the beach in a small town where I could walk to the grocery store, hardware store, library, cleaners... everything. Twenty-seven was sky-high platform heels and flirty dresses and big hair and funky jewelry.

And at 27, the idea of 40 was still a notion to me. The women I knew who were 40 were mothers with minivans. They were married and 'settled'. But, refreshingly, they were not the 40-year old women of my childhood. Today, women who were 40 in the 70's often looked like they were a decade or more older... By 2000, women on the cusp of 40 felt free to wear skirts above the knee, to skip pantyhose if they felt like it, had discovered yoga pants and Juicy sweats, and didn't feel compelled to cut their hair short. Progress! (Ok, except maybe for the Juicy thing...)

At 36, back on the East Coast, I found my other true North - my partner, D. I'd long since resolved that I was single for life... I was content to have dates and flings periodically, and assumed that it was the way my life was meant to be - an aunt, a friend, a sister, a daughter - leaving me time to travel and volunteer and achieve greater success in my career. I had a comfortable home, money and time to travel, and wonderful friends. And then I found love. Totally unexpected, totally amazing.

At 36 I didn't feel that much older than I had at 27. Deeper crows feet, sure. More creaking noises in my knees when I went up and down steps... I realized I was now the age of my friends in California - and I realized that what I shared with them was a sense that 36 wasn't merely "four years from forty". At 36, I knew myself - did not feel like I had to live up to anyone's expectations anymore. My self confidence (if not my self-image) was at an all-time high.

And now at 40, still deeply in love; still deeply happy with my life. Forty for me has been a continuation of my 30's - and the journey continues!

On one hand, of course I think sometimes that I have now been working for 20 years, and that feels strange - because time does fly, but because also I feel like I am in my prime... I am still traveling and working full time and loving my life. Perhaps it's also because I'm child-free (i.e., no children, by choice), and nothing seems to mark the passage of time like watching children grow.

Do you know what DOES freak me out? Thinking that if I work 20 more years, that's just 20 more vacations to take - 20 trips. That's not a lot! THAT worries me! There are so many places I want to go - or go back to!  I haven't been to Argentina, or Russia, or Sweden, or Belgium, or Ghana... I need to go back to Australia or Brazil when it's not for work. That's "7-years' worth of vacations" right there! OMG, how am I going to make this work?

But then I think to myself, "As long as I have been working, that is at least how long I have left to continue working". In other words, I'm just hitting half-time in my career. And I may not be able to pull 16 hour days anymore - but I don't regret not having to, either. And when I consider how far away my first job feels, it comforts me to think that the distance between that first job and today, is the same distance from today to retirement. Then, I don't feel so bad.

Today, it's about finding a balance... about acknowledging my age without shining a spotlight on it.

In this context, it's recognizing that colorful rope bracelets are a relic of my past, and high-heeled sneakers (all over the runway this spring) are never going to make an appearance in my shoe closet! I realize that it's not wise for a 40-year old woman (unless you live in L.A., maybe) to wear that hot pink ruched club dress and lucite heels. I know that it's increasingly difficult to pull off blunt-cut long hair, which draws attention to the deepening crows feet and smile lines. I know that I can still shop at Forever21 - but the bulk of my wardrobe should not come from there! And I know that just because Harper's Bazaar and Elle say blunt bangs and neon nails and cut-out lace is THE trend, that I have to pick and choose what trends to adopt more carefully than my college-age sistren.

In other words, me at 40 is me at 36 with greater contentment; greater satisfaction; greater self-confidence; and the most amazing man to share it all with. Maybe 50 is when I have the "oh crap!" moment. Maybe 50 is when I relent and let my friends and loved ones throw me a blow-out party. I don't know.

What I do know is that right now, for me, 40 is the new black - and it still looks good on me, so I'm going with it!