When I was a teenager, I remember calculating how old I would be in the year 2000.
TWENTY SEVEN.
That sounded so ... adult. So ... mature.
And so very far away.
When I think about how to process age, as a woman, I think about the evolution of my style and of fashion. The way you present yourself to the world matters even more at 40 than at 20, because you are at a different point in your career inside or outside the home, and you've figured out - or hopefully you have - "who you are". You have an identity, rather than trying different ones on.
And so to some extent, our style on the outside reflects the state of our psyche on the inside. How often have you seen a woman at a store, and looking out of the corner of your eye, thought to yourself "Doesn't she know how ridiculous she looks? She's way too old to wear that." On the flip side, I look at someone like Helen Mirren, who at 63 rocks a low-cut one-piece bathing suit and looks incredible and elegant in a full length evening gown with sleeves, without ever looking "old" or "dowdy". Sure, 63 is a far cry from 40 - but that's the point.
Our style evolves and changes, and it is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. Wanna bet whether Paris Hilton - who's now over 30 - will be wearing essentially the same clothes at 40 that she wears today - which are the same things she wore at 27?
At 27, I was living in California, away from home from the first time, and it felt amazing. I felt - to fall back on a cliche - like I'd found myself. Found my true North. I was happy, and excelling at work, and living mere blocks from the beach in a small town where I could walk to the grocery store, hardware store, library, cleaners... everything. Twenty-seven was sky-high platform heels and flirty dresses and big hair and funky jewelry.
And at 27, the idea of 40 was still a notion to me. The women I knew who were 40 were mothers with minivans. They were married and 'settled'. But, refreshingly, they were not the 40-year old women of my childhood. Today, women who were 40 in the 70's often looked like they were a decade or more older... By 2000, women on the cusp of 40 felt free to wear skirts above the knee, to skip pantyhose if they felt like it, had discovered yoga pants and Juicy sweats, and didn't feel compelled to cut their hair short. Progress! (Ok, except maybe for the Juicy thing...)
At 36, back on the East Coast, I found my other true North - my partner, D. I'd long since resolved that I was single for life... I was content to have dates and flings periodically, and assumed that it was the way my life was meant to be - an aunt, a friend, a sister, a daughter - leaving me time to travel and volunteer and achieve greater success in my career. I had a comfortable home, money and time to travel, and wonderful friends. And then I found love. Totally unexpected, totally amazing.
At 36 I didn't feel that much older than I had at 27. Deeper crows feet, sure. More creaking noises in my knees when I went up and down steps... I realized I was now the age of my friends in California - and I realized that what I shared with them was a sense that 36 wasn't merely "four years from forty". At 36, I knew myself - did not feel like I had to live up to anyone's expectations anymore. My self confidence (if not my self-image) was at an all-time high.
And now at 40, still deeply in love; still deeply happy with my life. Forty for me has been a continuation of my 30's - and the journey continues!
On one hand, of course I think sometimes that I have now been working for 20 years, and that feels strange - because time does fly, but because also I feel like I am in my prime... I am still traveling and working full time and loving my life. Perhaps it's also because I'm child-free (i.e., no children, by choice), and nothing seems to mark the passage of time like watching children grow.
Do you know what DOES freak me out? Thinking that if I work 20 more years, that's just 20 more vacations to take - 20 trips. That's not a lot! THAT worries me! There are so many places I want to go - or go back to! I haven't been to Argentina, or Russia, or Sweden, or Belgium, or Ghana... I need to go back to Australia or Brazil when it's not for work. That's "7-years' worth of vacations" right there! OMG, how am I going to make this work?
But then I think to myself, "As long as I have been working, that is at least how long I have left to continue working". In other words, I'm just hitting half-time in my career. And I may not be able to pull 16 hour days anymore - but I don't regret not having to, either. And when I consider how far away my first job feels, it comforts me to think that the distance between that first job and today, is the same distance from today to retirement. Then, I don't feel so bad.
Today, it's about finding a balance... about acknowledging my age without shining a spotlight on it.
In this context, it's recognizing that colorful rope bracelets are a relic of my past, and high-heeled sneakers (all over the runway this spring) are never going to make an appearance in my shoe closet! I realize that it's not wise for a 40-year old woman (unless you live in L.A., maybe) to wear that hot pink ruched club dress and lucite heels. I know that it's increasingly difficult to pull off blunt-cut long hair, which draws attention to the deepening crows feet and smile lines. I know that I can still shop at Forever21 - but the bulk of my wardrobe should not come from there! And I know that just because Harper's Bazaar and Elle say blunt bangs and neon nails and cut-out lace is THE trend, that I have to pick and choose what trends to adopt more carefully than my college-age sistren.
In other words, me at 40 is me at 36 with greater contentment; greater satisfaction; greater self-confidence; and the most amazing man to share it all with. Maybe 50 is when I have the "oh crap!" moment. Maybe 50 is when I relent and let my friends and loved ones throw me a blow-out party. I don't know.
What I do know is that right now, for me, 40 is the new black - and it still looks good on me, so I'm going with it!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
You WILL Eat More Vegetables... and Like It!
I always thought I didn't like vegetables. The dreaded frozen "mix" - corn, carrots, and peas, or worse... cauliflower, brocolli, and carrots. (Is there a more pointless vegetable to a child than cauliflower?) Lima beans in any form were a close second.
All of these were staples of my 1970's childhood, along with vaguely brown-tinted 'green beans' from a can that were so soft they were practically pre-digested. I would sit at the dinner table for an hour, alone, picking at piles of cold, bland vegetables, not even thinking of dessert - just thinking that I really did not want to eat what was on my plate.
There are books now that teach parents how to 'hide' veggies in other foods - to disguise them. But as adults, those children won't think they like eating veggies any more than I did. Not even Whole Foods Brownie Bites contain hidden amounts of zucchini puree...
HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE MY VEGGIES
The revelation happened slowly. Travel helped. In the South of France, a real Salade Nicoise contains soft, flavorful butter lettuce leaves, crispy raw or blanched thin green beans, hard boiled eggs, vine-ripe cherry tomatoes, sweet small yellow potatoes, mild tuna belly, and fresh, still-silvery anchovy fillets. This is tossed with a caper-laced red-wine vinegar dressing and served as a meal. Think you don't like anchovies? Here, they provide the salt with added protein - mixed in they are barely distinguishable. The perfect balance of carbs, protein, and fiber - heavy on flavor. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of the parts!
In Germany, 'salad' doesn't necessarily mean 'lettuce'. Shredded carrots and plump raisins in a light sweet dressing is a salad. So is tomatoes diced with white onions in a vinegrette. So is paper-thin slices of English cucumbers (which actually have flavor) tossed with a creamy-dill sauce. So is a tangy multi-bean mix with onions and carrots. So is shredded cabbage tossed with a sweet cream sauce. You get the idea.
And then there was the revelation that is BistroMD - a diet meal-delivery service that gets the top ratings for food quality and flavor. 1/5 to 2/3 of each meal is comprised of vegetables... and it was the final piece of the puzzle. I DO like vegetables after all! I just do not like bland, over-cooked, soggy vegetables.
I think - my opinion - this is why we have such a tortured relationship with vegetables:
1. We got rich. Rich nations eat much more animal protein than poorer ones - outside the developed world, meat is a once-per-week luxury, or only for celebrations. We can afford to eat tons of meat, so we do.
2. We are obsessed with innovation. i.e., we were primed to see TV dinners, processed foods, and fast food as 'good', even while the majority of whole-food-oriented cultures see them as 'fake' foods.
3. We lack a homogeneous native cuisine. Agricultural cultures developed traditional dishes that survive the test of time... typically these are flavorful and combine local ingredients for which the local people have developed a taste.
And maybe most importantly...
4. We forgot how to season our food.
Somewhere along the way, perhaps in our rush to get dinner on the table because we are now predominantly two-income households or singletons working long hours, we forgot that opening a can of peas, or beans, and heating it in a pot is not what it means to eat vegetables. Nor is drowning chemically-treated iceberg lettuce, flavorless hothouse-grown tomatoes, and flavorless short, thick American cucumbers (versus the longer, thinner English cucumbers) in a 1/2 cup of fat-free Ranch dressing.
CHILDREN WHO LIKE VEGGIES BECOME ADULTS WHO LIKE VEGGIES
Speaking of asparagus (or Brussels sprouts, for that matter). A few years ago, I learned that people's tastebuds change over time... infants and young children, for example, taste bitter foods as even more bitter - presumedly a natural protection that would prompt a toddler to spit them out because poisonous plants disproportionately tend to taste bitter. Conventional wisdom - as well as research I've anecdotally heard in recent radio reports (NPR, in particular) - is that you have to introduce a food to a child up to 13 times before you can be certain the child does not like that food. I don't know many American parents who try to get a child to eat a food more than two or three times, let alone thirteen!
Then there's the advent of the "children't menu". Chicken tenders - the scourge of modern society! Frozen to plate in three minutes, and 99.9% of children will eat them without protest. They lack the stigma of fast-food when prepared at home, even if they are loaded with fillers and covered in breading just like popular drive-through options.
I've traveled a lot, and NOWHERE else I've been, in East Asia, South Asia, North Africa, or Continental Europe, do children get catered-to (pun intended) the way American children are, when it comes to food! Picky eaters are a 'first-world problem' to a great extent... and that means we can change things!
Children are given to eat what adults are given, with few exceptions. In France, what Americans consider 'stinky cheese' is eaten by small children. In Belgium, kids eat mussels. In Germany, it's blood sausage. In Thailand, it's crispy whole fish. And in America, children eat... peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chicken nuggets, and pizza?!
Certainly economics is in play... It is more expensive to buy fresh foods than fast foods or processed foods. And in urban areas, it can be challenging to find a full grocery store, versus a corner market or worse, a 'drug store' chain without any fresh food options.
CHANGING THE END GAME
But this is separate from the question of how to increase our consumption of vegetables on a voluntary basis - i.e., because we actually like them. Vegetables should not be seen as, or used as, punishment. Children and adults in the US are cut from the same genetic cloth as those in Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America. And you don't have to be a self-described hipster-'foodie'-snob to experiment with vegetables - my Goodhousekeeping 1945 cookbook provides plenty of vegetable dishes that are way more appealing than what I grew up eating (sorry Mom!), that use basic pantry staples.
You do have to spend a little more time in the kitchen - but really, it's very little. The dividends will pay off today, and in a decade, and in fifty years, when you and your children are healthier - and more importantly, do not view the largest nutritonal food source on the planet as something to wrinkle up your nose at!
Final thoughts:
1) If you buy a vegetable that you end up not liking... so what? Try something new once a week - butternut squash, leeks, nappa cabbage - as part of a side dish, and if you aren't crazy about it, try it in other dishes.
2) Don't give up trying. Cauliflower is disgusting... unless it's cooked in an Indian curry! Took me thirty years and dozens of tastes of other people's dishes and restaurant food to figure that one out. I hated mushrooms until I was 27. Now I love them. I hated olives till I was in my early 30's, and I still hate big green olives stuffed with pimentos - but Castelvetranos, Nicoise, and Kalamatas? Can't get enough of 'em.
3) Use appetizers to experiment. In a chef-owned restaurant (i.e., not a chain) you can often find unique seasonal veggies on the menu - try ordering the salad with pea shoots and shimeji mushrooms... it's an inexpensive way to try new foods that you may not - or may - like.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
Epicurious.com - recipes collected from the best food magazines, providing the widest range i've seen.
Cookinglight.com - fantastic original recipes and classics revamped for health-conciousness.
Recipe.com ------->
Supercook.com----> These 3 sites let you plug a list of ingredients in, and suggests receipes
Recipekey.com---->
One to get you started... 1000+ people have given this roasted veggie side dish top ratings:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/roasted-vegetables/
And finally, that awesomely addictive 3-bean salad (Cooking Light magazine):
1/4 c. cider vinegar
3 Tbsp. grated onion
1 Tbsp. sugar
3 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 tsp. minced garlic
1/2 tsp. dry mustard (e.g., Coleman's)
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/4 tsp. kosher or sea salt (non-iodized)
1 lb. green beans, trimmed (French-style recommended)
1/2 cup minced red onion (i.e., small sized)
1/2 cup chopped fresh flat leaf (Italian) parsley
1/3 cup sliced green onions (scallions)
1 can (~15-16oz) Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (~15 oz) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
Combine first 9 ingredients in a small bowl, and blend well with a whisk or fork.
Steam green beans, covered, 5 minutes or till crisp-tender. Drain and rinse with cold water and drain.
Cut beans into 1-inch pieces, and transfer to a large bowl. Add red onion and remaining ingredients to bowl. Add vinegar mixture to bean misture, and toss to coat. Cover and chill 4 hours or more. (Even better the second day... in my experience, keeps well for a week in the fridge, covered.)
Yields 7 one-cup servings.
Calories per serving: 207
Fat: 7g (saturated 1g; monounsaturated 4.8g, polyunsaturated .9g)
Protein: 8.5g
Carbs: 29.7g
Fiber: 9.2g
Sodium 368mg
All of these were staples of my 1970's childhood, along with vaguely brown-tinted 'green beans' from a can that were so soft they were practically pre-digested. I would sit at the dinner table for an hour, alone, picking at piles of cold, bland vegetables, not even thinking of dessert - just thinking that I really did not want to eat what was on my plate.
There are books now that teach parents how to 'hide' veggies in other foods - to disguise them. But as adults, those children won't think they like eating veggies any more than I did. Not even Whole Foods Brownie Bites contain hidden amounts of zucchini puree...
HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE MY VEGGIES
The revelation happened slowly. Travel helped. In the South of France, a real Salade Nicoise contains soft, flavorful butter lettuce leaves, crispy raw or blanched thin green beans, hard boiled eggs, vine-ripe cherry tomatoes, sweet small yellow potatoes, mild tuna belly, and fresh, still-silvery anchovy fillets. This is tossed with a caper-laced red-wine vinegar dressing and served as a meal. Think you don't like anchovies? Here, they provide the salt with added protein - mixed in they are barely distinguishable. The perfect balance of carbs, protein, and fiber - heavy on flavor. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of the parts!
In Germany, 'salad' doesn't necessarily mean 'lettuce'. Shredded carrots and plump raisins in a light sweet dressing is a salad. So is tomatoes diced with white onions in a vinegrette. So is paper-thin slices of English cucumbers (which actually have flavor) tossed with a creamy-dill sauce. So is a tangy multi-bean mix with onions and carrots. So is shredded cabbage tossed with a sweet cream sauce. You get the idea.
And then there was the revelation that is BistroMD - a diet meal-delivery service that gets the top ratings for food quality and flavor. 1/5 to 2/3 of each meal is comprised of vegetables... and it was the final piece of the puzzle. I DO like vegetables after all! I just do not like bland, over-cooked, soggy vegetables.
I think - my opinion - this is why we have such a tortured relationship with vegetables:
1. We got rich. Rich nations eat much more animal protein than poorer ones - outside the developed world, meat is a once-per-week luxury, or only for celebrations. We can afford to eat tons of meat, so we do.
2. We are obsessed with innovation. i.e., we were primed to see TV dinners, processed foods, and fast food as 'good', even while the majority of whole-food-oriented cultures see them as 'fake' foods.
3. We lack a homogeneous native cuisine. Agricultural cultures developed traditional dishes that survive the test of time... typically these are flavorful and combine local ingredients for which the local people have developed a taste.
And maybe most importantly...
4. We forgot how to season our food.
Somewhere along the way, perhaps in our rush to get dinner on the table because we are now predominantly two-income households or singletons working long hours, we forgot that opening a can of peas, or beans, and heating it in a pot is not what it means to eat vegetables. Nor is drowning chemically-treated iceberg lettuce, flavorless hothouse-grown tomatoes, and flavorless short, thick American cucumbers (versus the longer, thinner English cucumbers) in a 1/2 cup of fat-free Ranch dressing.
- Try dicing up some zucchini, heat in a pan for 10 minutes, then toss with some jarred natural tomato-basil pasta sauce for a super-quick side dish, or add more sauce and pour over pasta. Only in modern America is this considered a way to "hide" vegetables in one's food. When did finding complimentary flavors become something secretive?! Weird.
- Dump a can of Kidney beans, a can of Northern White beans, chopped raw French green beans and scallions together in a boll and toss with a dijon vinegrette for an addictively crunchy, yummy dish I challange even the most die-hard carnivore to dislike. You'll be sneaking bites from the fridge of this one - I promise.
- I hated asparagus - until I learned that lemon juice counteracts the bitter flavor... now, I steam asparagus and sprinkle with "Real Lemon" brand crystalized lemon juice over it instead of salt, and I like it quite a bit, thank you! (Or do as the Germans do, and make a velvety cream of asparagus soup with WHITE aspaaragus - grown underground, it lacks the chlorophil that makes the green ones bitter.)
CHILDREN WHO LIKE VEGGIES BECOME ADULTS WHO LIKE VEGGIES
Speaking of asparagus (or Brussels sprouts, for that matter). A few years ago, I learned that people's tastebuds change over time... infants and young children, for example, taste bitter foods as even more bitter - presumedly a natural protection that would prompt a toddler to spit them out because poisonous plants disproportionately tend to taste bitter. Conventional wisdom - as well as research I've anecdotally heard in recent radio reports (NPR, in particular) - is that you have to introduce a food to a child up to 13 times before you can be certain the child does not like that food. I don't know many American parents who try to get a child to eat a food more than two or three times, let alone thirteen!
Then there's the advent of the "children't menu". Chicken tenders - the scourge of modern society! Frozen to plate in three minutes, and 99.9% of children will eat them without protest. They lack the stigma of fast-food when prepared at home, even if they are loaded with fillers and covered in breading just like popular drive-through options.
I've traveled a lot, and NOWHERE else I've been, in East Asia, South Asia, North Africa, or Continental Europe, do children get catered-to (pun intended) the way American children are, when it comes to food! Picky eaters are a 'first-world problem' to a great extent... and that means we can change things!
Children are given to eat what adults are given, with few exceptions. In France, what Americans consider 'stinky cheese' is eaten by small children. In Belgium, kids eat mussels. In Germany, it's blood sausage. In Thailand, it's crispy whole fish. And in America, children eat... peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chicken nuggets, and pizza?!
Certainly economics is in play... It is more expensive to buy fresh foods than fast foods or processed foods. And in urban areas, it can be challenging to find a full grocery store, versus a corner market or worse, a 'drug store' chain without any fresh food options.
CHANGING THE END GAME
But this is separate from the question of how to increase our consumption of vegetables on a voluntary basis - i.e., because we actually like them. Vegetables should not be seen as, or used as, punishment. Children and adults in the US are cut from the same genetic cloth as those in Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America. And you don't have to be a self-described hipster-'foodie'-snob to experiment with vegetables - my Goodhousekeeping 1945 cookbook provides plenty of vegetable dishes that are way more appealing than what I grew up eating (sorry Mom!), that use basic pantry staples.
You do have to spend a little more time in the kitchen - but really, it's very little. The dividends will pay off today, and in a decade, and in fifty years, when you and your children are healthier - and more importantly, do not view the largest nutritonal food source on the planet as something to wrinkle up your nose at!
Final thoughts:
1) If you buy a vegetable that you end up not liking... so what? Try something new once a week - butternut squash, leeks, nappa cabbage - as part of a side dish, and if you aren't crazy about it, try it in other dishes.
2) Don't give up trying. Cauliflower is disgusting... unless it's cooked in an Indian curry! Took me thirty years and dozens of tastes of other people's dishes and restaurant food to figure that one out. I hated mushrooms until I was 27. Now I love them. I hated olives till I was in my early 30's, and I still hate big green olives stuffed with pimentos - but Castelvetranos, Nicoise, and Kalamatas? Can't get enough of 'em.
3) Use appetizers to experiment. In a chef-owned restaurant (i.e., not a chain) you can often find unique seasonal veggies on the menu - try ordering the salad with pea shoots and shimeji mushrooms... it's an inexpensive way to try new foods that you may not - or may - like.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
Epicurious.com - recipes collected from the best food magazines, providing the widest range i've seen.
Cookinglight.com - fantastic original recipes and classics revamped for health-conciousness.
Recipe.com ------->
Supercook.com----> These 3 sites let you plug a list of ingredients in, and suggests receipes
Recipekey.com---->
One to get you started... 1000+ people have given this roasted veggie side dish top ratings:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/roasted-vegetables/
And finally, that awesomely addictive 3-bean salad (Cooking Light magazine):
1/4 c. cider vinegar
3 Tbsp. grated onion
1 Tbsp. sugar
3 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 tsp. minced garlic
1/2 tsp. dry mustard (e.g., Coleman's)
1/2 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/4 tsp. kosher or sea salt (non-iodized)
1 lb. green beans, trimmed (French-style recommended)
1/2 cup minced red onion (i.e., small sized)
1/2 cup chopped fresh flat leaf (Italian) parsley
1/3 cup sliced green onions (scallions)
1 can (~15-16oz) Great Northern beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (~15 oz) kidney beans, rinsed and drained
Combine first 9 ingredients in a small bowl, and blend well with a whisk or fork.
Steam green beans, covered, 5 minutes or till crisp-tender. Drain and rinse with cold water and drain.
Cut beans into 1-inch pieces, and transfer to a large bowl. Add red onion and remaining ingredients to bowl. Add vinegar mixture to bean misture, and toss to coat. Cover and chill 4 hours or more. (Even better the second day... in my experience, keeps well for a week in the fridge, covered.)
Yields 7 one-cup servings.
Calories per serving: 207
Fat: 7g (saturated 1g; monounsaturated 4.8g, polyunsaturated .9g)
Protein: 8.5g
Carbs: 29.7g
Fiber: 9.2g
Sodium 368mg
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